Here is where I am with this project: awestruck.
The first session is complete, and I am certain there is a guiding energy to this project begging women to come out on the land to tell their stories and reconnect with the essence of their inner wild women that is mirrored so perfectly in the landscape that surrounds us.
This energy feels so powerful, I’m a little scared of it. It’s an energy I’ve been dancing with my whole life, but haven’t been able to fully embody because of the stories I’ve told myself that get in the way: I’m not enough, there’s something wrong with me, I’m not worthy, etc.
I mean, this is the Divine Feminine I’m talking about. She is gritty and moist and magical and mysterious. I could understand the Divine Feminine intellectually, but even in moments when she would come smack me upside the head and fill me with awe, I always fell back into the tangled web of patriarchal programming I was raised with.
And that’s where I was when I drove to meet Debbie. Even though the Divine Feminine had come swooping through and people were contacting me to book Spirit and Bone sessions, I still allowed myself to get caught up in the whole “I’m not worthy” mentality. It’s safer there sometimes. It doesn’t serve me well, but it’s safer.
All of that melted away when Debbie greeted me. I heard a still voice that simply said “Let it go and connect.” And that’s exactly what happened.
Doing this session with Debbie reminded me of the power of magic. As we walked the land, her story bubbled through her. When our time was over, I felt transformed. The tangled web of my mind was replaced by pure awe for the connection we made and the raw beauty she showed me just by showing up. Here is her story, as best as I can translate through photos and words:
“I’ve just been finding me after my 15 year marriage ended. I’ve lost 65 lbs and my rheumatoid arthritis is in remission,” she said. “Besides that, I find out the results to a medical test this week and thought this would be a good way to shift my focus.
Dragonflies come to her. Her son is this way, too. And when they don’t physically manifest themselves in moments when she needs connection, they manifest themselves in the clouds. The dragonflies speak to her.
“I picked this place because it reminds me of home. I was that kid who would go play outside and lose her clothes.”
She sat in the stream and told me about another time she sat in the very same place, recording the movement of the water when two heart-shaped leaves floated by. She texted the video to a guy she had started to date after her divorce — a guy who was wearing a dragonfly around his neck that had been given to him by a stranger during a time he served in the armed forces overseas. Six months later, she giggles when she gets a text from him, saying how nice it is when someone cares about how her day is going. I get the sense she’s perfectly okay being alone, but when someone shows they genuinely care, that’s nice, too. I get that.
“I’ve been struck my lightening twice,” she said. I think: you ARE lightening! Pure fucking magic being thrown at me.
“My sister passed. She told me she’d come back as a cardinal, so whenever I see one, I cry.” I can tell she is looking for one and feel sad a cardinal doesn’t appear right then.
Debbie is ridiculously talented at making jewelry. “I let the stones speak to me. I wrap the wire around each stone in the way it wants to be wrapped. Sometimes I have no idea what’s going to happen.” When she first greeted me, I got a tour of her studio. She works with metal and stones. It’s not just jewelry she makes. It’s an entire conversation. (An aside: you should really check out her work).
“Everything has come early this year. Look at this!” and she’s off down the path, showing me something I’ve never seen before.
Thank you, Debbie: just by showing up and sharing your story, I was able to let go of my own. This is how we heal. This is how grow.